CNY, a formality occasion..(Not really meant for my friends to read)

WARNING!! This entry is not supposed to be read...I say again!!

its been ages...roughly around 6 years...till now..I was never really looking forward to CNY..

CNY is just....
another holiday for most people to relax from work,
a chance to meet up with relatives whom they seldom seen,
a chance to indulge in all sort of junk foods..i mean yummy foods,
a chance to gamble to determine your 'luck' for the rest of the year..

To me, its just another formality occasion..its has been meaningless to me since 6 years ago..Years back..when this big family (Tham's family) still had their grandpa alive and healthy..everyone will gather at his house for CNY...very joyous one, the adults will be chit chating..kids will be playing those 'pop pop' (kind of small bombs that make loud noise when smacked on the floor), fireworks..I still remember I like to put those 'bombs' underneath the shoes..Hahaa..scare my relatives..I was just too playful..and also the making of the big BOMB..where I poured all the powders together into a tissue paper..and throw it down from the 10th floor..LOUD noise it got!! Hahaa..From grandpa's place, we all will proceed together to visit each relatives house...Our favourite hangout will be 4th aunt's...cos she always cooked fried noodles, which is exceptionally tasty with her self-made chilli sauce..and of course...gambling with my few cousins..Those were the days...memories are still so fresh in me...

Now..everything changes..Eversince my 2nd uncle fallen out with the family over a woman, deaths of my favourite 5th aunt and her eldest son..(she was my 'Godma', cos she took care of me since young, when both my parents are busy working, her eldest son was a role model I looked to), grandpa passed away subsequently...the whole Family was no longer the way it used to be...

Every CNY(this year too), they will be still gossiping about my 2nd uncle and the woman..don't they get sick of the topic? And worst..my 5th aunt's children have also fallen out with the Family..Why? Because of a silly reason, when my 5th aunt was on the deathbed..she asked her children not to tell the relatives..so being the obedient children..they wished to fulfil her last wishes..My relatives were so angry that the children didn't inform them, as they couldn't see my 5th aunt for the last time. During the funeral, they were just quarrelling..even till the last day of the wake..I was THERE! "Can't they give the person lying inside some peace?" That was what I was thinking..Was the children wrong to fulfil their mother's last wishes? Or was it wrong for them not to inform the relatives? Which is more important? I couldn't even decide..if the same thing apply to me....yesh i cried when i'm writing this portion..I missed them definitely. More importantly, I missed the times the Family had together...

You see..that's how the Family broke off like that...I can never understand what the older generation people were thinking..Or maybe I'm still too young to understand...It's just too complicated..I'm so tired of facing my relatives..even though its just a day or few hours..They caused the break up of the Family...I'm so envy whenever my friends got this large family, where their family ties are so close...That's always this saying "Every family has its own problems".Sighz...What's my problem huh??Why am I writing all these?I guess this blog has become a place for me to put in all my unhappiness...I'm not able to tell anyone how I feel..but through the blog..I just wish to place my feeling down here..instead of always bottling up in m heart..Sometimes, I feel so suffocated..now..I'm feel much better to tell a story that happened so many years ago.

This entry was not really meant for my friends to read..but if you have read till this far...I guess you are too kpo already..haha. This entry is supposed to be a diary..of my inner feelings..Nevermind..What's been done..cannot be undone..*Important*Please continue to read the last paragraph..

I think as times go by...CNY will be totally meaningless to me..or maybe not...when all my friends are getting married...I will go over to their places to pai nian instead..so please remember to invite me hor..otherwise I'll be lonely during CNY...
Remember to give me angbaos too..No..i think same generation..don't give angbaos..so sad..